Tierney – The Feisty Cookie Monster

A couple of weeks ago, Koryn had a track meet in Birmingham. So as usual we packed up in preparation for another Saturday at the track. Tierney, my 6 year old, was so excited to go to this meet (I know you’re thinking, “How sweet, she wants to go watch her sister run!”) That was not the case at all! Yeah, she likes to watch Koryn run, and is probably one of her biggest fans, but she was excited because she had her own money to spend at the one and only…… concession stand.

As soon as we arrived at the sports complex she was trying to hit up the concession stand, so she was instructed to wait patiently until 11 o’clock. Folks, asking a 6 year old to be patient is like asking a bird to stop chirping; positive results highly unlikely. Every 30 minutes she was asking if it was time. Finally, 11 o’clock came and one of the older girls was kind enough to walk her to the concession stand. She came back with exactly what she wanted, a bag of bite size cookies. Now, in her mind and mine, all was right in the world.

Then it happened. I looked down and saw a whole group of people laughing and joking then Tierney heading my direction. Before she could get to me, I was told that a little girl asked Tierney for one of her cookies. I knew then my child’s response was going to be something feisty because baby girl does not play about her cookies. So evidently, with three cookies in her hand, Ms. Tierney looked at the little girl and said “I don’t have anymore!” Now I understood what the laughter was about and even chuckled myself, thinking this child is too much like her mother; but then parenting kicked in.

I called her over and asked her why she chose not to share with the little girl. She replied saying “Mom, I have germs and I didn’t want to give her germs.” Now I’ll give it to her, I liked how she tried to sell her response as concern, but you and I (and Tierney) all know that she didn’t want to share because those were her last three cookies. She wanted them for herself, which is understandable, yet I knew I had to have a talk with her.

When raising daughters, well children in general, I think we try to do the right thing by making our children share. Of course it’s right because this is what we were taught, plus no one wants their children to be labeled as the “selfish kid”; you know the one other parents assume is an only child because they don’t like to share their toys. I thought about it and wondered if we send a clear message when discussing sharing.  Like, what does encouraging kids to share really mean? Do we encourage girls to share more than boys? Is a certain group of kids urged to share more than others?

Then I thought about this, as we grow into adults we sometimes get in the habit of saying yes when we really want to say NO. We share our time, our food, our bathroom, as well as other things, when we secretly wish we could have those things to ourselves; but out of the fear of being labeled inconsiderate, selfish, or mean we say yes. I think there is a thing or two we can learn from our kids about how to choose what we really want and how to say no sometimes.

But in all things there should be balance and of course there is a lesson in every story. The lessons she learned was:

1. If someone is hungry, feed them. You’ll be blessed for blessing others. Growing up, that was one thing my mother always said. If we had food and someone was hungry, we fed them, no questions asked.
2. It is OK to say NO sometimes. Just understand that someone is going to say no to you and that is ok as well, but it’s not always a good feeling when they do and you have to accept that. (I’m still working with that whole accepting it thing, I’m gifted in the power of persuasion!)
3. It is always, always, always better to give than receive. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to share but in the process of being a better person, it’s wise to share with a loving heart. You never know when sharing your last may lead to your biggest blessing.

On this day I didn’t want my child to be considered selfish because I know she isn’t. She didn’t choose not to share but instead she chose to enjoy something she had been waiting on all day. In a way she chose her own happiness of someone else’s; something that some adults wish they could do. Now, in no way am I trying to say that teaching our daughters to share isn’t important, but I guess teaching our daughters to choose themselves and/or what they want is equally important. Remember, balance is key. Now, when I think of about the lessons learned that day, the main lesson I think everyone learned is that if you ask Tierney for a cookie, she’s probably still not going to share! Her vegetables, probably. It’s a work in progress!

The moment I found out I was pregnant with another girl I was elated; simply because growing up I always wanted a sister and now God was giving me the opportunity to raise sisters. I know, selfish reason, it’s not about me right? But it is! I always imagined sisterhood to be like a continuous slumber party; like having your best friend spend the night with you every night. No one told me, prepared me for or even tried to explain that I would spend countless hours playing the dual role of mother and referee!  Believe me, had I known this, I would’ve majored in conflict resolution or at least took a refereeing class in college. I’m really starting to believe that parenting done right qualifies you for any occupation – judge, chef, doctor; you pick.

Granted, the arguing and fussing between siblings can become annoying, but most of the time it is very entertaining: Like the day they learned what it means to be your sister’s keeper.

First, let me give you a little background on both of my gals. Koryn, 9, is my oldest girl, she is so sweet and very sensitive. This is the child that I would hate see anyone pick on. She truly wants to be nice to everyone, but she is still big sis and reminds us of that often. Then there is Tierney, 6, my youngest, my last. She is also sweet in her own way but is not so sensitive. This is the child that says whatever is on her mind, whenever it is on her mind (I’m still trying to figure out where she gets it from! *wink, wink). Despite their opposite personalities they are as thick as thieves.

Well on this particular day we were in the car headed home from track practice and the conversation went a little like this:

Tierney: Koryn, can I see your IPod?

Koryn: No Tierney.

Tierney: (with her grown woman attitude) You never let me see it! That’s why I’m not going to help you raise your kids!

Koryn: (Bursts out in tears) Tierney why would you say that! You know I won’t be able to raise my kids without your help! 

Tierney: So!

This was my cue to step in. So many things were running through my mind like: Where do they get these things from? Where is her husband when the raising process is going on? Why are they even thinking this far in advance? Does this mean I’m going to be a grandma one day?

As funny as it was, I realized it hurt Koryn’s feelings because she never imagined her sister not being there for the important times in her life. At their young ages they already know they have each other to depend on. This is why I knew, as mommy and referee Hollie, it was time to have a discussion about the importance of sisterhood.

As we continued home, these are the values I worked to instill in and reinforce with my gals:

1. You are your sister’s keeper. You are blessed to have each other, so take care of and protect each other.
2. Your sister is your best friend. Friends and boyfriends will come along but your sister still comes first. (refer back to No.1)
3. Challenge and hold each other accountable. I will not always be here to do that. (refer back to No.1)
4. Always make time for each other. (refer back to No.1)
5. Speak life into each other. You can’t take back the mean things you say, so love and be kind to one another while you have the chance. (refer back to No.1)

We realized that day that a sibling bond is strong but the relationship between sisters is something remarkable, something to be encouraged and protected. It is so much more than a continuous slumber party, it is a bond that establishes the foundation for friendships and other relationships from now throughout adulthood. It is a beautiful kinship. I’m proud knowing that they understand what it means to be their sister’s keeper and thrilled to see their relationship grow and blossom. The best part is that they were able to work it out and I’m pretty sure Tierney will indeed help Koryn raise her kids (Again, where is her husband going to be? I’m so confused about this but I’ll let it go for now). Now, I can’t tell you that these lessons have stopped the arguing and fussing but I can say the number of threats to kick them out of the car have decreased tremendously!

We are all one in some form or fashion. A wild child! A young woman (or man) who is highly spirited and fearlessly reckless (as defined by Wikipedia). Then, somewhere along the way it happened; we fell in love and decided to embark on a whole new journey, the journey of motherhood or as I like to call it, a wild child raising wild gals! My goal as a mom: Raise two awesome, kick ass women! I believe for most that’s every mother’s goal, but the truth of the matter is there are no instructions on how to do that. So as parents, we are teaching and learning at the same time and anyone doing it knows it is one extraordinary trip. A trip full of twist, turns, and plenty of mistakes…Yeah I admitted it mistakes!!!

Hence, I present to you “Wild Child with Wild Gals.” I’m Hollie, the true definition of a wild child, or a recovering wild child, depending on how you look at it. I am all over the place folks and proud of it. I’m a fly by the seat of your pants, sassy, sarcastic, stubborn, live for the moment kind of lady. I’m sure many could add a few more adjectives but I’ll keep the list short for now! Well, God must have saw all of the awesomeness in me and decided it was too much for just one woman. In an attempt to distribute it out evenly, he gave me Koryn and Tierney. These two are everything I could ever imagine my daughters to be; beautiful, smart, full of life and totally committed to achieving their main goal – giving me a run for my money.

I know, I know, at this point you may be asking yourself what is the purpose of this woman’s blog? Well it’s simple really, through all of the joy and excitement parenting can still be tough. Like me, you might not consider yourself perfect and have realized the truth in the statement “it takes a village (or two, or three) to raise a child”. My purpose is this: to capture the comedy of our journey together and use it is as parenting advice, lessons and reflections on what to do, or not to do, as a wild child who is doing her best to raise awesome kids. So strap on your seat belts and enjoy the excitement of this mother-daughter rollercoaster!